life NEVER gives u a second chance....

he claims he is confused.....i feel really exasperated.... avijit da calls them stupid excuses ...... god knows wat they actually r ? excuses or just a desperate try to hold onto him...... i understand his pain but can do nothing to make things better for him..... regardless of whether he loves me,hates me wishes that i bitch like me never existed ....... it matters not... i love him with my heart and soul

people change

couldn't believe my ears when sarbartha of all people proclaimed that i have never been that close to him......... lolz......yesterdays get together at suha 's place was far from being pleasant for me......... i hated it there ....... alienated , distanced and hurt........
i realized that i have drifted and its high time that i let go........
while all my friends are at the verge of starting a career for themselves am still struggling to complete my basic education......
all i heard yesterday was that am on the face, moody, cracked and am a cry baby.... yes i do cry coz that's the only way i survive the battle called LIFE.... those bitter and warm tears that flow down my cheeks give me the strenghth to move on......

ever tried writing a testimonial for a sincere friend in a public forum ........ what do u write there that doesn't make u seem like a complete schmuck ....... do u fill in with artificial thoughts , light and made up reflections which i once vigorously did in the 10th std . [ remember those slam books] .............it makes my skin crawl when people write stuff like ' u 've been a lighthouse of emotional guidance to a storm tossed mariner like me...' lolzzzzzzzzz............
the other day was going through a quote -' as a child we can't wait to grow up and fall in love and when we finally do we realize that wounded knees were easier to heal than broken hearts.' no amount of cigs and booze can make u feel better........... yesterday i cried myself to sleep ..... 3 bars of chocolate , one pet bottle of thumps up didn't make things better ......... instead woke up in the morning with guilt pangs of adding to my ever expanding waistline.....
rest-starved , over-worked with an ever irritated nervous system,punctuated with bouts of jimjams which leave me reeling........ who is to blame for it ? me ? him ? his job? my moodswings? naah blame it on the delhi -heat................
i love calling him ' babu ' ,' shona' , tota ----- apellations which he treats like profanity . yet i persist ............love him ..........

finally a blogger , better late than never ...... my narcoleptic lifestyle leaves no time for me to try my hand at some literary adventure. i find it extremely difficult to express my innermost feelings in english gibberish ....... and wonder how few bloggers actually manage to give established authors a run for their money when they take to writing......

finally........ am here